his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
