dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
