Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
