i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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