the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
