I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
