i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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