Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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