Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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