Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
