He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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