Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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