dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
