I want to make a zoo with you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize