i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
