omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So much rum. So many feels.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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