We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
