it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Let's get the cat blown out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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