I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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