Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
