I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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