i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
