And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
