WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
