Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
