It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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