you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
