My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
