dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
