In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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