I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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