It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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