As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
