I cannot find my penis.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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