he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
