no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
