My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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