At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize