maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
