I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
