I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
