i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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