R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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