there's paper in my vomit.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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