I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
