dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
