When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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