Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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