guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
