Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
