i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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