3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
