He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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