Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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