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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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