batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
