Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
