im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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