..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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