I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
