All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
