Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
