you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
