it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
