so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this boner is exhausting
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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