well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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