I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
