I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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