got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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