Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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