____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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