I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
