My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
do nipples grow back?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
