I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
