I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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