I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
