Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
