hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize