I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
