Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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