Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
