I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
