Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
