I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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