Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
