dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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