i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
