Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
and you fell through a lawn chair
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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