are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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