You can't motorboat a personality
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
