You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
