I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
