I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
