i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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