Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
