Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize