Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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