I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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