Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
