i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
