If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize