We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
