I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We're too hungover to prance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
