you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
