He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
