dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
