I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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