We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
