The maid of honor just puked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
