I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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