Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
