its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
