He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
