hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
