i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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